Gravitating to normalcy

I can’t say it has been a crazy month for me. At the same time it’s also a month I lost my focus due to things that were happening, and the things that happens sometimes are temporary that won’t span more than 3-6 months.

That said, I’ve been working slowly on getting back to my project and finally having a release date somewhere in August where I can just complete user guide, development guide, and have the content ready for users. Whether I hit the mark or not really depends on how much I get done in the core project. Once the main project is done it’s just a matter of execution.

I’m somewhat mentally tired though. Things sometimes don’t work in your favor. But for me, it feels like sometimes it just never has worked in my favor to the point that I just started accepting that maybe I’m just not meant to have the little joys in life. And given my life, I’m becoming a strong believer that I’m just not meant to do anything great both on a personal or professional level.

Well, it sucks, but it is what it is and going against the flow of life tends to just kick you in the nuts.

Finances, retirement, and hitting the surface of reality- Adjusting my year goals and rectifying my expenses

So, as of late there’s something that has hit me really hard and that is retirement, what’s gonna happen in 20-30 years from here for me. How is the future going to be? Etc, etc.

Now, the reason I started thinking about all this is because of what’s happening in the stock market. Anybody that keeps an eye on the news at least once a week knows that a lot went down on GME(Gamestop Corp), AMC, and the all the cannabis stock.

But that’s what hit me is finding a whole forum of people dedicated to investing, not just for retirement but also future projects and seeing how they profile themselves in the forums have made me realize that I’ve been extremely awful with my money. To the point that my savings aren’t much, but sustainable for a few months as living where I am doesn’t come with a huge living standard.

Having said all that, I’m just beating myself up at how I have poorly managed my money up to now.

I have no retirement plans besides my 401k. I just opened a brokerage account and a Roth IRA account. Where my priority is to max out my Roth IRA contributions every year I can.

Now, this means that my goals have changed from what I was initially set out to do. Which was traveling and learning a language. Now, I can leave traveling for some other time, and still apply learning a language

All in all, this has gotten me a bit angry at myself for just realizing how bad I have been at managing my finances. And to be honest it’s not that it’s awful at all. Like, I just got my own place. But I think I could have expedited a lot of things if I knew how to manage my finances earlier.

I guess, from here on now there’s a lot of challenges ahead and how to recover the initial investment lost on my new place so I can finally begin my goals for the future.

Thinking 2021: How I have found success in 2020 and moving forward

I have said it before on social media and it’s a weird thing to say when 2020 has had such a negative impact on so many lives. For me 2020, as November ends draws near, has been a year of many successes. It was a good year where I have set my mind into things, did the work, and received recognition of said work.

My take away from this is that 2020 the year itself didn’t really have anything to do with the successes. I have been busting my ass day and night on the computer. I have been more proactive at work. I have been more proactive at life. I have been more proactive in almost every little thing, all for one purpose: I wanted change.

If you have heard from me before on social media or have seen me talking on forums or whatever. You have probably heard me say something like, “there isn’t such a thing as a good year or a bad year”. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes real bad things happens in a year and it is a depressing situation for the individual, and maybe next year is better because the bad events culminated.

What I want to get at is that if you don’t do anything whatsoever, it’s the equivalent of expecting different results while doing the same thing: nothing. Even before I became more proactive I already acknowledged the fact that a year doesn’t have any bearings on how you perform throughout the whole calendar.

It doesn’t. It’s like looking for an excuse of why you failed at something. It’s just an excuse at the end. And you won’t be happy about it because you probably deep down recognize that you didn’t do enough, perhaps. Or maybe you did a lot and it didn’t pan out for you and that can also happen, and I want to mention that because sometimes even if you are proactive and you move around and you do all the stuff that you have to do things just don’t go your way.

I’m thankful that a lot of things are falling into their places. I’m thankful that November is basically a fresh start in my life. I’m thankful for so many things. And yet, the best is yet to come.

I still have things I want to try. These things probably won’t be ready until 2021, realistically speaking.

My goals, and my mindset is to finish my project and publish it to the world in hopes that it becomes something greater.

I also plan to get on full-keto and lose all the pounds I can. As an obese person throughout most of my life. 2020 and 2021 has been trying to get back on track and lose the weight.

I want 2021 to be even better than 2020. And I’ll have to work on every aspect of my current self to do so.

New place, who dis?

I think… it’s been quite a hectic week for me. From rushing to set up utility services, to waiting for ISP to install their new service to a whole new ride of emotions after being considered for some things at work… it’s been two exhausting weeks where I feel I’m just wired right now moving earth and sea to get things done.

I feel slightly accomplished… because for a long time I’ve been set to do this. In fact I’ve been wanting to do this since 2014-2015 but life kept getting in the way in the most depressing ways possible. So I had to hold my ground until it was the right time to push for what I wanted. And I feel that everything is paying off… like I feel a bit more complete after achieving these things I’ve been wanting for so long.

So finally, a new place for me to sport. A new whole slew of achievements have been met at work. There’s a lot of things running in the background for me and I think right now I gotta ride this hectic time because I feel if I don’t I would be wasting opportunities and chances to do different things.

I want to get back to my project. I want to do a whole lot of new things and hopefully kickstart my social life in this new town once COVID is gone… but that will take a while.

Learning 日本語「Japanese language」

Hopefully I wrote that right in the title. The featured image is by Freebird_71 under Creative Commons license.

So, I am thrilled and also committed to the notion of learning a new language mostly because while not only it allows me to expand my knowledge of learning a third language, English being my second language, the excitement of understand and talking to foreigners is always exciting.

In the past I did try doing my best to learn the language but the motivation wasn’t there. There was a lot of turmoil in my personal life, and honestly the focus just wasn’t there at all for me to even put myself through the grind. Not only that but I felt like I just launched myself at it without organizing and structuring myself a bit more. It’s not just “oh, yea, open a site and learn a few words and now you know everything”.

I’ve been trying a lot of different stuff this year. Some did stick with me others didn’t really stick with me, for example: drawing is a skill that I would love to work on but the commitment isn’t quite there yet. Photography I enjoy doing but it also requires a lot of planning so it’s not something I do often.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that of all the hobbies that I want to work on. Learning a new language, and traveling seems like the calling I want to answer.

Photo by Almir de Freitas

For me using Anime or Manga would be the most crude and lamest reason to learn a language.

My main motivation to learn English wasn’t because I wanted to watch Lost, or Games of Thrones or any series that’s running. For me, a person that was born as a US citizen on an island whose main language isn’t English created a conflict for our future careers.

It was first out of curiosity, then as I began communicating with people from different parts of the world mostly thanks to the internet it hit me that the internet helped me out little by little correct myself, and by trial and error just learn more about the English language and the people who uses it.

But most importantly, it was and it will always be a business decision.

Learning English today open doors everywhere. Especially in the United States, or even United Kingdom. Whether you agree with that or not, if you were born already in a English-speaking country then honestly what I said may be pointless. But if you were born in a different country that speaks Hebrew but all the opportunities are in English-speaking countries then you have to put everything on a balance what would benefit you more in the future.

Photo by cogdo.

So in a way, my reason to learn a new language this time is to talk to more people, to meet more people, to know their views and daily life, to hangout with them and maybe even go to karaoke sing broken English-written songs, who cares, it’s all in the name of entertainment and blowing off steam.

I feel like just using a medium like anime or manga as a reason to learn a language is disrespectful to the country. And this not only includes Japan but any country in the world. I just think it’s a very short-sighted and immature reason, but I get the pulling of doing so, especially from young people that are growing right now and have easy access to anime/manga/series that we really didn’t have back then and where harder to get. The appreciation I have for translators will never be enough for their work on exposing a medium of any kind out there. Be it in Japanese/Chinese/Korean.

I’ve made a lot of accommodations, and I have been heavily putting a lot of hours into this. All I hope is that it goes all well and that my hard work eventually pays off.

The quest to eargasm?

I feel like I may have… gone a little overboard on a lot of things. Buying headphones is certainly one of them.

In full picture:

Sony WH1000XM3, Bowers & Wilkins PX, AKG N60C, Sennheiser HD6XX (Massdrop Edition)

I don’t consider myself an audiophile or anywhere around that. Heck I could explain right now, or try to, on why I have so many… headphones. Part of it is experimenting. The thing about headphones, especially reputable ones is that the retain value so I can easily sell it back without losing much.

Sony WH1000XM3 is meant to be replacing my Bowers & Wilkins PX. These two are the ones I use at work right now and they’ve been wonderful. The Bowers & Wilkins PX certainly wins against the WH1000XM3 when it comes to acoustics…. but when it comes to bass Sony headphones just have the upperhand as the Bowers and Wilkins aren’t as bassy as I’ve had hoped for.

The AKG N60C is actually the one I use at home and it’s connected to a bluetooth transmitter that is connected to my TV. The consoles and most devices are connected to the TV using the TV input ports provided… so I basically route all that sound through a optical audio cable that plugs to the bluetooth transmitter. The AKG ones aren’t meant to outmatch anything. I just found them super cheap and quite reliable for my needs and all I wish is it had more battery life in them.

The Sennheiser HD6XX I use mostly with my Macbook Pro. I just use when I’m alone as they are open headphones, else I’d switch to the closed ones that I listed above.

In terms of quality… I’d dare say I’ve had a greater impression with the Bowers & Wilkins PX and the Sony WH1000XM3 when pitting it against the Sennheiser HD 6XX. Don’t ask me why. I just find the Sennheiser ones to be lacking something and I don’t know what.

Overall I’ll probably end up selling the Sennheiser HD 6XX if I can’t find what’s wrong with it. And part ways with the Bowers and Wilkins PX but as of late a big part of me doesn’t want to give up on the Bowers & Wilkins. I love them. They were my second headphones and I’ve found them to be incredibly delightful to use. I do have minor complains with the clamping… it’s quite… rough after a few hours, but overall I really enjoy using them.

If I ever go high-end with cans… you won’t see me do that this year for certain. I think I’m going to stay in the mid-zone for a long time. I’m also hoping to do a write-up on Sony WH1000XM3 at the end of this month.

Snappity Snap ?

The past few days have been fun. They’ve been filled with a lot of curiosity and eagerness to learn something new. I feel like photography might be a hobby I’ll be pursuing heavily.

I find it fun… because it gives me something to do. More than just fun, it’s a series of what happens if I alter the settings to obtain a more seasoned take of the photo. On the past few days I’ve been working with two people that have been helping me get up to speed with a lot of things photography except composition.


For now I’m just having a blast with learning more about ISO/Exposure Time/Aperture. These three elements are fairly important at least to me when it comes to all things lighting and if I don’t learn it I don’t think it would’ve made much sense buying a Nikon camera.


I feel like the greatest challenge so far is actually having a good composition in the photo. Everything in place and working in harmony. I don’t think I will be able to master that anytime soon but as time passes, maybe.

DSC_0390 DSC_0321

Either way… it’s a hobby. One I hope that stays a hobby. I think I’ve found something I can become quite passionate about. It’s really a break from all things programming. I don’t think you know how much photography means to me as a new hobby. Perhaps I’ve been burnt out to the ground with programming and need a break from it.

Nonetheless, it’s fun and keeps me busy.

Wrapping this up. Feel free to check out my Flickr and follow me.

Approaching new things

If I have to give this month a fair shake it is that I’ve been doing things the wrong way. I’ve yet to make any progress in a position that I want because quite honestly these days I’ve yet to get excited about a company or product.

Now, I don’t really want to give the opening of this log entry a very heavy start. Life doesn’t go the way you want it most of the time and I’ve learned to be okay with it as long as I don’t become complacent or a conformist.

I feel like I have been extremely spontaneous about many things this month with the start of new hobby. Like anything, it takes a lot of practice and a lot of trial and error to get good at it. Photography isn’t exactly a passion of mine. Just an interest that I hope to nourish over the following years.

It’s also something that I’ve been meaning to start. I’ve been with computers for so many years that the thought of doing more outdoor activities was never in the equation. Now, these days I want to take control of my life and finally enjoy myself. Go out, travel the world, etc.

A huge part of me doesn’t want to just stay still… I just can’t do it anymore.

I can only hope that everything goes well. Not just on this new hobby but everything I’m planning to do.

Stealing back what anxiety has taken

I think it’s time for a little talk. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I just know that if I don’t talk about it, eventually, my anxiety will keep stealing things from me. 

I go by many names and so do many when it comes to the internet. I’ve sailed the interwebs, and have interacted with many people around it. Yet, I’ve never, ever made contact with any of the people I’ve met in real life. It breaks me as a person, because I’ve found a lot of amazing people out there. It sinks me to despair, but it’s all a mental fluff that… well, thing about mental stuff is that it keeps you down, on a short leash for many, many years. 

I never bothered to treat my condition, whatever it is, because I can’t self-diagnose myself and say I have “social anxiety”. The more I read though, it feels like it is what I have. Yet, I’m no professional. 

So I do suffer, and perhaps I’ve given my back to people I didn’t want to do that to. Sometimes the amount of anxiety breaks me, but once I take control as I have done this year, I push back and talk myself out of it. 

And you know, thinking about it… I was never good with people. Sometimes I wondered why they were getting so riled up about. It felt a tad… silly that they would get mad about things. But… I do get mad about things and chalk it up to just… human things. I think, not having that emotional development thwarted any possible growth. Then again, I wasn’t good with conflict either. Most of the time it was just easy to not deal with the emotion, and remain stoic as possible and say you don’t care. 

Not caring is the go-to action for many. Sometimes, deservedly so. You don’t want any extra baggage to process, and perhaps the person gone through a lot already. There’s always a why on the not caring subject no matter if the person says there’s no reason behind it. At least that’s what I believe.

People talking about issues usually begins with a source of grief. Sadly, I’ve forgotten mine. There’s only anxiety, it was the only thing that ever was in my life, became an extension of me. I’d like to get rid of that extension… live life in a healthier manner than desperately scanning a whole area of strangers and calculating possible routes to avoid them. Such a metal gear thing to do. 

I’d like to believe that everyone goes through a personal hell. I’ve learned to never compare my issues to someone whether the person is on the deep end, or faring better than me. It doesn’t take me joy saying, “that’s your issue? worrying about [x] thing? pfft I’ve had it harder”, it always came off as a prick thing to say, undermining the person and the issue with little to no respect to the individual going through it. So, whenever someone comes to me with their issues I just lend an ear, and toss in a few guidances if I can… but usually I can’t, because the person becomes tied to what I say then and relies on the next directions, until the person finds an impossible situation and blames me for all the pointers. So, I’ll just lend an ear, perhaps an advice… but everything else has to be you. 

As for the people that spout that attitude I mentioned above. I’d rather steer clear and find positive people that isn’t on a sadistic path. I feel they’ll take you down as soon as they get bored. Instant gratification sort of thing.

Anyway, I felt like writing a post about this because it was long overdue. There are very, very few individuals that knows about this. After I click publish, so will the world and that’s okay. This is mostly for me than for them. 

I feel like I could go on writing many pages but… long-winded rambling isn’t my thing. 

What’s next in programming?

So basically I’m at my wits end. I haven’t had the time to finish my application. There are two things that have demotivated me greatly. First, the overhead of QML is too much to the point that I might have to drop it. This means I’ll have to come up with a way to build a new interface out of html/js/websockets.

I’m up for the challenge, I really am, yet I feel awful about it because I’m scrapping a large portion of the presentation for something that takes time to do. I don’t think the Qt team can optimize the QML Engine in less than two months. The original schedule was to release at March, yet due to circumstances (doing internship, loss of motivation due to the fact that I have to scrap code) I haven’t sat down to work on the app.

I think at worst this is the part I’m just banging my head against the wall since I don’t want to lose my work in vain.